Today was a bit quiet for exceptional idiocy. The elections committee decided to enforce campaigning regulations (somehow their fines suggest that spray paint vandalism by AJ Hajir Hajian deserves an equal penalty as Sumedha Sharma repeatedly breaking Residence postering restrictions); Ben Cappellacci decided to withdraw (which I’d assume was idiotic if not for it being a personal matter); and another debate attempted to lull a small handful of students to sleep.
Looking for inspiration, I came across Imran Habib’s candidate bio on the AMS Elections’ website. My oh my, how does he manage to cross a street let alone use a computer?
1. The only people who state where they went to high school are too young or pompous to be worth anyone’s time.
2. No one cares where you were born unless you’re an international student.
3. Congratulations on showing off of your privileged childhood, “traveling around the world by 17.” Ass.
4. Ooh la la! You joined Alpha Delta Phi?! Don’t over do it! This is the accomplishment you state? And “participated in the 2010 AMS elections”? What the hell does that even mean? You and 6000 other students have equal credentials.
5. “Elected to the Ubyssey Board of Directors” = frat brother of Campbell Bryson who was desperately looking to get people on the Ubyssey board.
6. Hold on. You’ve been involved in an AMS committee for 7 MONTHS?! Stephen Toope, step aside.
7. Definitely need you on senate: how many people are interested in “sports”?!
8. You knew what the Senate was when you attended your first AMS meeting? Bull. Shit. Hell, I bet you still don’t know what it is. “It’s the senate!” is what you’d say.
9. Do you know what a comma splice is? Look at your last line. Now you know. (Tamanawis Secondary must be a top-notch school worth mentioning.)
Wait. Are you a joke candidate? 159 words in your bio, all garbage. (Sorry, not your name I guess. Wouldn’t want to insult your parents.)